Relationships are stressful and I'm hoping to give you a break from the agony of doing it alone. Here is the advice I wish I had a long time ago.
Communication
The biggest problem in every relationship is communication. There really is no reason to argue. In an effective relationship an argument leads to a conversation and that leads to actual change in behavior. Remember that. That being said most people don't know how to communicate their needs without yelling or arguing. If you feel too heated to talk to your partner, remove yourself from them. Literally go for a walk and cool down. If they are the one that feels too upset to be respectful, set a boundary. Tell them you will talk to them when they have calmed down and leave. Use I statements when talking. I feel blank because of blank. How do we fix it? Another way to effectively communicate a problem is to use a skill called DEAR MAN.
D describe only the facts without emotions.
E express how it makes you feel
A ask or say no
R reinforce why it's a good idea
M stay mindful of your goal
A appear confident
N negotiate
Example: Your girlfriend says she'll be home for dinner after work and comes home 3 hours late.
D You said you would be home for dinner and are 3 hours late
E When you are late I worry and it makes me upset
A If you're going to come home late I'd like it if you called and told me so.
R If you called and told me you're coming home late in the future I would be less upset and wouldn't worry
M Next time please call me before staying out
A Appear confident
N what would make it easier for you to call before staying out? What would you like to see happen if this situation arises again?
Keep in mind that this won't work with someone who refused to try to improve the relationship.
Actively Listen
Your partner is not just nagging to annoy you. It means they don't feel heard when talking to you. When someone in the relationship stops communicating their needs that is when they are done with the relationship. So take time to ask your partner what they need. Do what they ask you to do. Use GIVE skills when necessary.
G be gentle
I act interested
V validate their emotions
E use an easy manner
Individuality
Another problem in many relationships is we stop taking care of our own needs and we spend too much time together. It's important to still spend time with your friends, family, and most importantly yourself. Taking time for yourself can include working on a hobby you enjoy by yourself or listening to music you like, watching a show you like by yourself. Going out with friends or family alone. Encourage your partner to do the same. You cannot pour from an empty cup so it's important to remember to take care of your individual needs.
Shared Experiences
Find things you have in common and enjoy them together like cooking, dancing while you clean the kitchen, playing video games, going on a hike or camping, Learn to give a little. If your partner likes romance dramas, agree to watch one and afterwards watch something you like together. Make date night a regular thing. This doesn't have to be costly. Go to the park and have a picnic or have a sit down dinner at home with candles. Go get ice cream or coffee together and just sit and talk alone.
Love Yourself
It's vital to remember that you are your own first priority. Your beliefs, traditions, and values should be upheld within any relationship. Although you do need to compromise when necessary, the right person will respect you and want you to be yourself. Don't forget your own needs come first. We've all heard the saying “You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first.” Even though this isn't completely true, you won't attract the right kind of people if you don't practice self care and self love regularly.
For more advice on self love read my self love spell post
Stop Relationship Jumping
This may not apply to all, but it's good advice. Most people say that the person who stays single is the loyal partner, but some people can't handle the reality of the heart break and jump into a new relationship to numb the pain. Do not keep doing this. Take time to heal yourself before jumping into things with someone new.
For help healing and staying single check out my blank post
Dealing With Your Issues
All the trauma from your childhood and past relationships plays a role in your current or future relationships. Regardless of who caused it, it is your responsibility to heal your own wounds. So start by reading up on healing trauma or see a therapist. Learn healthy ways to cope with life's many issues and open up to your partner about what triggers you.
For more help with healing your mind read my harmonizing your body, mind, and soul post or my seven steps towards becoming your higher self post
Intimacy
All kinds of intimacy are important and will come with time. So let's start with emotional intimacy. Spend time cuddling together, hand feeding each other, or shower together. Basically anything that requires physical touch that isn't sexual. Be vulnerable with your partner and tell them about your past. Open up to them about who you are and what you're going through on a regular basis. Sexual intimacy is just as important. Don't be afraid to spice things up and ask your partner for feedback on what they'd like in the future. Read up on new ideas and things to try.
For more help with intimacy issues read my intimacy spell post.
If you're still looking for extra help with relationship stress, use the spell below.
Ingredients
- Basil
- Pink Candle
Day of practice
Wednesday
Help us to love each other again
So we can move past where we’ve been
Let us grow together as one
So we can see all we can become
Grant us the power to reach our full potential
Allow us to see each other as essential
Give us back our majestic spark
So together we make our mark
With these words I ask of thee
It's been said so mote it be
Instructions:
- Cast your circle
- Burn the basil and smudge your bed and yourself
- Recite the spell above
- Use the yellow candle
- Close the circle and allow the candle to burn completely out